Monday, September 22, 2008

The Madam, The Pimp, and The Lawmaker: A Parable of McCain The Deregulator

This just in: John McCain's campaign manager Rick Davis -- his number-one guy -- lobbied John McCain himself to make sure that failed mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac stayed loosely regulated.

Maverick? Change? Clean up Washington? Give me a break.
This guy was aggressively lobbied by the very industry he now denounces for "corporate greed" and "special interest" and "pork-barrel projects" -- AND HE MADE THE LOBBYIST THE HEAD OF HIS CAMPAIGN!

To break this down, how about a parable?

The Madam.

A certain Madam hires a Pimp to go to the state capital to lobby a powerful 26-year Lawmaker to keep prostitution legal and to make sure the State Health Department doesn't require too many STD tests. The Madam knows the Lawmaker wants to run for Governor someday, and it never hurts for a girl to have a powerful friend in the Governor's Mansion.

The Brothel.

Over time, the Lawmaker gets to be such good friends with the Pimp that he asks his buddy the Pimp to run his campaign for Governor. Meanwhile, a violent epidemic of syphillis breaks out, and suddenly people are understandably very angry at brothels all over the State.

The Pimp.

Sensing he needs to create a diversion, the Lawmaker pretends he's been against brothels all along and starts calling his Opponent a bunch of names, like "Consort of Ladies of the Evening." And the Lawmaker promises to give all the hookers penicillin, because right now, the main thing is just to make sure that the hookers don't spread any more disease. But boy, oh boy, when he gets to be Governor, watch out! He's going to appoint strict, no-nonsense guys to the State Health Department, and they'll shut all this brothel nonsense down. (But they won't pass out penicillin to just anybody. After all, they might run out.)

All this comes despite the fact that it is well documented that the Opponent has no use for pimps. And all the while, the Pimp is still pulling the strings of the Lawmaker's campaign, laughing hysterically in the background at just how unbelievably, brazenly shameless the Lawmaker is.

The Lawmaker.

The Lawmaker is happy, the Pimp is happy, the Madam and all her hookers are happy with their penicillin and renewed health. But you know who's not happy? The whole population of the State who's now got painful, life-threatening syphillis, thanks to making some poorly-advised business transactions with some very dirty ladies -- ladies who were protected by the 26-year Lawmaker and his buddy the Pimp.

No comments: